Joshblog #1 - Ever wondered what goes on in Josh's Head?

Josh's thoughts while in the studio

Woodblock

Alex’s wood block broke during a drum session. It has a crack in it so now no longer resonates. This means that when he hits it, it sounds like he’s hitting... you guessed it... a block of wood. Except this piece of wood fell off a tree 4 years ago and is now at the stage of rotting where it’s soft, has ferns growing out of it and enough mushrooms along the trunk to feed a family of six. After a brief trip to the tech office we returned with two colourful plastic alternatives. They consisted of a block of hardened plastic with a slot cut out of it and an attachment for a stand. They are similar in apparel to what I imagine the nether regions of an Avatar from Pandora and a female version of Satan from the south park movie must look like. It amazes me how the manufacturers from percussion plus can make wood blocks from plastic. Surely the clue is in the name? Apparently it’s all about the sound, but there you go.

Clap space

Does having bigger hands mean you get more space around a small dampener whilst recording claps for the middle section of a tune? Apparently not

Pop tarts

It’s about three in the morning and I’m recording bass. Little bit hungry and craving pop tarts. Then it hits me. Pop tarts are the most studio friendly hot food! First rule of studio food; must leave as little mess as possible. Second rule; must be ready prepared or not messy to prepare. You only need a toaster to cook a pop tart which wouldn’t set off a heat alarm if it was set up on the floor or not directly underneath a heat detector. As far as I know they are impossible to burn in a toaster (citation needed: can Jesus burn a pop tart in a toaster?) A toaster itself, if not already full of crumbs, is a fairly non messy machine with which food can be processed. Now...By comparison with other toast-able treats.

·         When eaten they don’t shed hundreds of crumbs like regular toast.

·         They don’t leave greasy mess like a toasted sandwich.

·         They are eaten as a whole and therefore do not need slicing like a muffin (more crumbs and sharp knives, see my mum for breadknife related stories)

·         If the toaster strudel from ‘Mean Girls’ does indeed exist then I’m sure it would fall apart when cooked and therefore MORE MESS, unlike the pop tart.

However the main hurdle is getting an affirmative response to this question. ‘Hi tech department, can we get toasters in the studios with which to cook pop tarts?’ A cheerfully said ‘fuck off’ doesn’t count. Might be easier if I just eat the sandwich and cocktail sausages Liam and Caesar have brought back from ASDA........

Can you even buy pop tarts anymore? I havnt seen them

Brownies

Dear ASDA,

                   Why 26 brownies in your packs?

The number 26 is divisible by 1, 2, 13 and 16. With the exception of 1 and 2 none of these numbers of squares can be formed into a satisfactorily even rectangle which, I’m sure, your brownie trays must look like.

I assume you must do trays of 24 brownies then add 2 extra brownies at massive extra effort in order to achieve sed after mentioned number of brownies per pack. Please enlighten me to the secret of the mystery in question.

Yours faithfully,

JH Ballantyne

To which, incredibly, they replied...

Dear Mr Ballantyne,

                                  Thank you for your interesting query regarding our baking process.

In answer to your question, we bake a large brownie that is roughly 13 brownies by 20 brownies in size. Once ready we use a uniform brownie cutter with 260 squares to cut the brownie all at once. Then we pack the brownies, 2 rows of 13 at a time. By doing this we are able to produce ten boxes of 26 brownies per tray that we bake.

Regards,

M***** F*******

Supervisor

Bass Amp

1.30am  Yay!!!!!! Theyre using LOADS of mics!!!!!

3.30am  Apparently theyre only using the sound from one mic, sounds Great though :)

5.30am  Iv never realised how repetitive my bass part in Irrevolution is. There are usually

             coloured wires and the issue of music rooms 1, 2 and 3 being too hot during

             practice to distract me. Ahh well.




Josh


TIT x

November 2010 - November Pain

  Our last month: A sea of sore throats and runny bottoms, occasionally punctuated by recording sessions for the upcoming EP, which in themselves were punctuated by frequent trips to the bog. A HUGE round of applause should go to Alex who not only had “the actual shits” while tracking our first lot of drums, but also did so at 4 in the morning under about 6 layers of clothing. And sounded awesome! Just imagine how good he would be at a more respectable hour, and without the constant threat of his sphincter breaching! Come to a gig to find out. It is at this point in the blog that I have realised that, thus far, I have made nothing but poop jokes. Apologies. The transition out of my account of recent events, and on to bigger and brighter things, also marks this blogs (welcome) move away from fecal humor…DOO DOO!

The near Arctic conditions and unstable bowel weren't about to stop Alex. Thankfully this picture doesn't show the Pampers.

   We’re all better now (with the exception of one of our studio engineers/co-habitants, Caesar, who still claims to be “not shitting right”… “more poo jokes?” you ask? Well this one’s in parenthesis so it doesn’t count!) and are now approximately 84.62% through recording the EP. Drums: tick, Bass: tick. All that remains are two songs of guitar, and the same of vocals. A week on Monday marks the end of tracking. Huzzah! (eurgh…).

 And, again, I know what you’re thinking: “Diarrhea cannot be the only event of note in a months worth of tracking” (that one doesn’t count either as YOU said it…see…speech marks!) and you’re right. Besides…THAT…there has been much frivolity (not that I’m saying that there is anything frivolous about defecation…ahh you got me!), but in order to avoid any of our intrinsically hilarious anecdotes ending in a “…guess you had to be there…” type scenario, I’ll leave it to the video diary (yes a BAND doing a VIDEO DIARY! Breaking-the-mould-five…) to tell them. Things to look out for though: gang vocal fun, food in the mixing desk, bumblebee-tuner and Dan’s “mistake noises” …it’s MEGA LOLZ.

   Yes recording has been fun, but by no means has it been the sole occupation of the bands time. We had our first, what you might term, “proper” gig on Monday the 8th supporting the wonderfully noisy James Cleaver Quintet who played an awesome set and are a really sound bunch guys. What's more, we even got paid and everything! I know right! But seriously, thank you so much to all the people that came to see us, we really hope you all enjoyed it and would to see you at our gigs again!

 The gigs’ success even earned us a Manchester date. I guess this “Making It” business really is as easy as ROCK BAND tells us. I wonder if The Ruby Lounge will offer us the opportunity to double our fans if we get 5 stars in all of our songs; with that many fans we might unlock Birmingham or Leeds! Still, won’t stop us from needing “Star Power” to stop the drummer from failing. Joke! 

TIT ROCK BAND - Coming Soon...someday...

   What was I talking about?


Oh that’s right! We’re playing Manchester’s Ruby Lounge on the 25th November (supporting the fantastic To The Bones) and it would be great to see anyone from the area turn up! If you do miss it however you won’t have to wait long to see us again; we are playing a live web stream for something called “The Tube” the very next day (we’ll tweet/post link for that closer to the time so stay tuned). Finally (for now) we have a gig at Liverpool’s The Picket on the 4th December (with Muto Leo).

 So that’s you all updated. And since I sense this blog succumbing ever more to what I call “the-primary-school-holiday-report” effect, (e.g. In my summer we went to France and it was really nice and we went to the beach and it was really sunny and my mum bought me an ice cream and then I found a crab and I called it Henry and I ate croissants and daddy fell over in the sea and then I woke up and it was all a dream), I think I will call it a day there. See you around!


TAPE THOSE EYES BACK


Dan


TIT x