Josh's thoughts while in the studio
Woodblock
Alex’s wood block broke during a drum session. It has a crack in it so now no longer resonates. This means that when he hits it, it sounds like he’s hitting... you guessed it... a block of wood. Except this piece of wood fell off a tree 4 years ago and is now at the stage of rotting where it’s soft, has ferns growing out of it and enough mushrooms along the trunk to feed a family of six. After a brief trip to the tech office we returned with two colourful plastic alternatives. They consisted of a block of hardened plastic with a slot cut out of it and an attachment for a stand. They are similar in apparel to what I imagine the nether regions of an Avatar from Pandora and a female version of Satan from the south park movie must look like. It amazes me how the manufacturers from percussion plus can make wood blocks from plastic. Surely the clue is in the name? Apparently it’s all about the sound, but there you go.
Clap space
Does having bigger hands mean you get more space around a small dampener whilst recording claps for the middle section of a tune? Apparently not
Pop tarts
It’s about three in the morning and I’m recording bass. Little bit hungry and craving pop tarts. Then it hits me. Pop tarts are the most studio friendly hot food! First rule of studio food; must leave as little mess as possible. Second rule; must be ready prepared or not messy to prepare. You only need a toaster to cook a pop tart which wouldn’t set off a heat alarm if it was set up on the floor or not directly underneath a heat detector. As far as I know they are impossible to burn in a toaster (citation needed: can Jesus burn a pop tart in a toaster?) A toaster itself, if not already full of crumbs, is a fairly non messy machine with which food can be processed. Now...By comparison with other toast-able treats.
· When eaten they don’t shed hundreds of crumbs like regular toast.
· They don’t leave greasy mess like a toasted sandwich.
· They are eaten as a whole and therefore do not need slicing like a muffin (more crumbs and sharp knives, see my mum for breadknife related stories)
· If the toaster strudel from ‘Mean Girls’ does indeed exist then I’m sure it would fall apart when cooked and therefore MORE MESS, unlike the pop tart.
However the main hurdle is getting an affirmative response to this question. ‘Hi tech department, can we get toasters in the studios with which to cook pop tarts?’ A cheerfully said ‘fuck off’ doesn’t count. Might be easier if I just eat the sandwich and cocktail sausages Liam and Caesar have brought back from ASDA........
Can you even buy pop tarts anymore? I havnt seen them
Brownies
Dear ASDA,
Why 26 brownies in your packs?
The number 26 is divisible by 1, 2, 13 and 16. With the exception of 1 and 2 none of these numbers of squares can be formed into a satisfactorily even rectangle which, I’m sure, your brownie trays must look like.
I assume you must do trays of 24 brownies then add 2 extra brownies at massive extra effort in order to achieve sed after mentioned number of brownies per pack. Please enlighten me to the secret of the mystery in question.
Yours faithfully,
JH Ballantyne
To which, incredibly, they replied...
Dear Mr Ballantyne,
Thank you for your interesting query regarding our baking process.
In answer to your question, we bake a large brownie that is roughly 13 brownies by 20 brownies in size. Once ready we use a uniform brownie cutter with 260 squares to cut the brownie all at once. Then we pack the brownies, 2 rows of 13 at a time. By doing this we are able to produce ten boxes of 26 brownies per tray that we bake.
Regards,
M***** F*******
Supervisor
Bass Amp
1.30am Yay!!!!!! Theyre using LOADS of mics!!!!!
3.30am Apparently theyre only using the sound from one mic, sounds Great though :)
5.30am Iv never realised how repetitive my bass part in Irrevolution is. There are usually
coloured wires and the issue of music rooms 1, 2 and 3 being too hot during
practice to distract me. Ahh well.
Josh
TIT x
Josh
TIT x
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